If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.
Lao Tzu
I was in group yesterday and my program director came into the room with a woman who was interviewing for a position. She introduced me and hesitated when she said, "This is Kelly, she's...She used to be a team leader." She came over to me afterwards, laughed and said, "I almost introduced you as a team leader." I smiled, laughed, and said, "almost."
I haven't been a team leader since January. In some ways it feels like forever and in other ways, it feels like I just made the decision to step-down. At the time I made the choice to leave my position it felt necessary, and I couldn't see myself ever going back to my job and keeping my supervisory position. At the time I wasn't scared for the change; in fact, I was excited.
The excitement lasted for a few weeks, and then I started getting nervous. Had I made the right decision? Did I just mess everything up that I'd been working so hard to accomplish? Was I a failure? These were questions I was asking myself, and hearing others ask me (if not in those exact terms). I was quick to say, "Yes. This was 100% the right decision." It's easier to say things than believe them sometimes.
The past month I've been really struggling with this decision. I am clearly happier and less stressed; but at what cost? I started doubting myself and feeling bad about my choice. The perfectionist in me was starting to show itself. I even started thinking about trying for a higher position when we moved.
This afternoon I had a final visit with a family I've been working with for the past year. A set of twin boys who have grown so much and learned so much. This week I also met a new family that I will only be working with for a few weeks. I talked with Mom for an hour and half Wednesday night. She was scared that her recent move would mess up her daughter's transition into preschool, and on top of that she had no idea about any of the local resources. I let her know that I would be helping with the transition and I could bring lots of information about her new home town. I also had an IEP meeting for a kiddo who turned 3-years-old. His grandmother was there and it was nice to hear about all the new things he's been doing since my last visit. I called 2 families to set up initial visits, and I will begin working with them next week. On top of all of that I met with the usual kiddos I see each week. I spent a lot of time working with children and their families in the past 5 days. That is what makes my decision 100% worth it.
In stepping down from the team leader position I opened myself up to a larger case load. I have so many more families and my clinical skills are put to the test almost every day. This is why I went to school for 6 years studying children's development and the dynamics of families. This is why I can say, without hesitation, I am glad I made this change.
I am grateful I was able to change direction. I'm happier on this new course, and that's what matters.
This afternoon I had a final visit with a family I've been working with for the past year. A set of twin boys who have grown so much and learned so much. This week I also met a new family that I will only be working with for a few weeks. I talked with Mom for an hour and half Wednesday night. She was scared that her recent move would mess up her daughter's transition into preschool, and on top of that she had no idea about any of the local resources. I let her know that I would be helping with the transition and I could bring lots of information about her new home town. I also had an IEP meeting for a kiddo who turned 3-years-old. His grandmother was there and it was nice to hear about all the new things he's been doing since my last visit. I called 2 families to set up initial visits, and I will begin working with them next week. On top of all of that I met with the usual kiddos I see each week. I spent a lot of time working with children and their families in the past 5 days. That is what makes my decision 100% worth it.
In stepping down from the team leader position I opened myself up to a larger case load. I have so many more families and my clinical skills are put to the test almost every day. This is why I went to school for 6 years studying children's development and the dynamics of families. This is why I can say, without hesitation, I am glad I made this change.
I am grateful I was able to change direction. I'm happier on this new course, and that's what matters.
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