Day 304: Candy!

I am grateful that we didn't run out of candy this year. We had less trick or treaters, but still a good turn out. Halloween was always a favorite holiday. Its fun to see so many families spending time together.

Happy Halloween Everyone!

Day 303: Shark Week Success

I am grateful that the Shark Week theme for Justin's Halloween event was a success. The costumes were great and they even had a real boat!! It also worked out that I was able to surprise him with a visit to see everything this afternoon. All-in-all, a good day! 

Day 302: Not Ungrateful

I was talking to a coworker today and she mentioned that it's almost the year anniversary of starting this blog.  I laughed because she said at the beginning I probably never thought I'd make it this far. She was so right. I didn't think I'd stick with it for an entire year, but here I am, almost at Day 365.  

One of the other things we talked about was how hard she thought it would be to think of things to be grateful for on the bad days. It's actually been the opposite.  It's sometimes harder to think of something to be grateful for on a regular, non-exciting day. However, as I was explaining this to her I thought of something. It's a good day when you can be grateful for an entire day of nothing happening to be ungrateful.  So that's it for today.

I am grateful that overall I have nothing to be ungrateful for today.

Day 301: Peaceful Mind

I am grateful that I am going to bed tonight with a peaceful mind. It's the first night since Thursday that I haven't felt jittery and a bit frustrated before bed. I hope my clear mind tonight will lead into a worry-free start to tomorrow. 

Day 300: Big Picture

I had a somewhat difficult day today. Lots of ups and downs in the anxiety department. I was starting to feel really discouraged. 

Looking at all the little details can be very overwhelming for me. I quickly get bogged down by all the negatives and all the potential negatives heading my way. It's easy for me to miss the big picture. Then I had a great night with my best friend, and I drive home to my amazing husband and awesome dog. I started thinking about this post and got encouraged. This is a pretty big milestone - 300 days. All in all, those three hundred days have been pretty great. 

The big picture of 2114, so far, has been good. The year started off difficult, but it has slowly become a year full of new friendships, great memories, strength, and peace. 

Tonight, on this 300th day of the year, I am grateful for the big picture; and also my ability to see that picture with more clarity and positivity. 

Day 299: Noise

I am grateful that there is a lot of noise in my house right now. 

Noise = Progress
Progress = Closer to Being Ready to Move!  :) 

Day 298: Feeling Better

I'm grateful that Justin is starting to feel better. It's stinks when he has a cold, especially when he wants to get so much for around the house. The five hour nap probably helped. I should also mention my four hour nap that left me feeling better as well. 

Day 297: It's Okay

I have no idea why, but last night I had a major panic attack. I was staying over my friend Ashley's house because we had an all day conference today. The conference was in Worcester and Ashley lives closer, so it made good sense to spend the night wherever we could sleep longer.

I don't know what triggered it, but at 11:15pm I thought I was having a heart attack. I think I've tried explaining the feeling before, but it's awful. I couldn't breathe and my skin felt like it was on fire. I tried deep breathing, I took the extra medicine, and I told myself I was okay. Nothing helped. I had to drive myself home at 1:00am.

Here is where my gratitude comes into play. I had to let Ashley know that I was leaving so she wouldn't wake up in the morning and have no idea where I went. I'd like to think if I was woken up in the middle of the night that I would be half as reassuring as Ashley was last night. She told me it was okay. She asked if I was okay. I wasn't, but I would be.

Once I got home I fell asleep almost instantly. The medicine I had taken always makes me incredibly sleepy. It hits my whole body and even thinking about moving is exhausting. Needless to say I don't remember my alarm going off this morning. I woke up, realized I was going to be late, and started feeling clammy; another panic attack was ready to spring into full gear.

I called a few people who were at the conference and eventually I spoke with my director. She told me it was okay. She told me not to worry and not to rush. She asked if I was okay. Nope, not yet.

When I got to the conference people I worked with checked in. They all asked if I was okay.

In some ways, I'm really not okay. I'm frustrated and disappointed. But in a lot of other ways, I am okay.

I am grateful to everyone who asked if I was okay today. They probably knew the answer, but they asked anyways. I'm grateful that everyone who asked actually waited for and listened to my answer. For me, talking out the aftermath off a panic attack helps me deal with it. It puts me back in control a little bit.

Thank you Ashley and Julie. Thank you for reminding me that even if I wasn't in the moment, I would eventually be okay.

Day 296: TwoHundredandNinetySix Plus

Last night was a set back. In a very big way. This morning I am grateful that all of you who read this blog will be understanding of my missed post from yesterday.

Day 295: Home

I've been doing a lot of think about what the word home means.  If you look it up online, the first definition that comes up is "the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household."  

Up until I was about 20-years-old, this definition was fairly accurate.  "Home" was a place. It had four walls, ceilings, a front door, etc.  14 Parker Street, Saugus MA was my home.  I looked forward to going home after a long day at school, and I loved having friends come over to my home, especially to stage dance shows and play in the 'wooods.'  When I went off to college, I missed being home.  I missed my own room and my own bathroom (even though I shared it with 5 other people at any given time).  I've always been the person to get "homesick."  I could never be away from home for too long without missing it.  Even when I was on fun vacations with my family or school trips.  I always loved the ride home just as much as the ride away.  

My thoughts about what "home" meant started shifting after graduation from college.  I vividly remember going on a Mother's Day trip to New York City with my Mom in May of 2007.  We spent a few nights there, saw a few shows, and were the quintessential tourists.  It was probably the first or second night when I started getting the "home-sick" feeling.  It was strange though.  Up until that point, if I was away from home but with my Mom, the feeling of missing home usually went away pretty quickly.  I couldn't figure out why I was feeling that way.  I mentioned it to my Mom, and she came up with the solution.  I was actually missing Justin.  

Justin and I had moved in together right after I finished college in December 2006. So by May we had been living together for about 5 months.  We were living in a studio apartment, sleeping on a futon, and the only door to slam when you got mad was the bathroom door (it got slammed a few times).  It didn't make sense to me why my Mom thought I was home-sick for a place like that; but the more I thought about it the more I knew she was right.  I was home-sick for that little space that had somehow become "home."

Since that first apartment, Justin and I have lived in two more apartments and now, our first house.  If using the definition above, each of these places became home for me. They were the places I went to after work, the places I spent the majority of my time, and the places I went to sleep in.

Living in Brighton was fun.  We were minutes from the city, and had an awesome view of the Pru. from the office window. Justin's commute to work was less than 2 minutes.  We had our fair share of gatherings, and left our mark (a bright yellow and green kitchen). This is also where we got the first addition to our family - Homie, the turtle.  We lived in Brighton for 1 year.  

Our apartment in Ashland was a change.  We went from living in the city to living in the 'burbs.  Not that our apartment in Ashland was country-living, but we were no where near Boston.  This was also the furthest from Saugus I'd ever lived.  That apartment saw an engagement, wedding plans, and a married couple.  Big life events were celebrated within those walls.  We lived in Ashland for about 1 1/2 years.

Now we're in Milford.  Our first house.  We've been here for about 5 years.  When we bought this house we knew it wouldn't be our forever home; it was  a starter place.  We did a lot of work on this house.  The entire first floor has been renovated, and we're in the process of updating some of the upstairs.  In this house we added another family member, Ollivander.  We also gave our turtle to another great couple to love.  Justin and I have grown-up a lot in this house.  We've changed as people and as a couple.  We've become stronger individually and as a unit.  

And now here we are; getting ready for another move.  Justin and I are putting this house on the rental market and we are officially moving to Western, MA.  It's been a long process, and there have been ups and downs all year.  But, I can officially say that Easthampton, MA will be our new residence before the end of the year. 

This move is really what has brought up the notion of home. For the most part, this has been a really exciting time.  Since last December Justin and I have known we wanted to move out that way.  It's the right decision for a lot of reasons. It has also come with some anxiety, mostly on my part.  I will be moving as far as I've ever been from my childhood home. From Saugus to Easthampton is about a 2 hour drive. I'll be very far away from my first "home."

But what I've realized is this: home is much more than a building with walls and a ceiling. Home is place where you feel safe.  It’s a place filled with the people you love, and the people who love you. Home is the warm, fuzzy feeling you get sitting around with some of your favorite people not doing anything particularly special. One person can feel at home in many different places.  Looking back, there were several places that I felt at home.  My best friends' houses, my drama school, my cousins' houses.  All of these places are filled with memories that leave me smiling. Each of these places holds a very special place in my heart. 

Yes, an actual home is the building you drive to at the end of the day.  It's a place that is filled with love.  Your family gathers there and memories are made within those walls. But home can also be more than that. Home may not be a house, or a room, or any one particular place.  Home is a feeling. 

Tonight I am grateful for our next adventure in turning a new house into our new home.

It's official. We're moving!!!

  

Day 294: Time to Think

I have so many thoughts rumbling through my head. Tonight I'm grateful for time to think, sort, and process. Thinking before speaking, or writing, is something we all must do more often. 

Day 293: Smiles > Hiccups

Sometimes it's easy to let one small hiccup at the end of the day ruin what was otherwise a good day. So tonight, instead of letting a few bumps put me to bed with a frown, I'm focusing on the little things. 

I'm grateful that I work with families who appreciate my hard work, but also respect my decisions. I'm grateful the wind died down when I got it off my car to pump gas. I'm grateful the popcorn kernel that was stuck in my throat wiggled its way free. I'm grateful my dog seems to know when we need extra cuddles. I'm grateful for reruns of horribly, great shows. I'm grateful for the smile I'm falling asleep with tonight. I'm grateful that smiles are greater than hiccups. 

Day 292: Hot Shower

I took a wonderful warm shower tonight. Normally this wouldn't be something worth sharing; tonight it is 100% worth it. 

Justin spent all day (and most of the night) installing a new hot water heater. This morning he was not a happy camper. For some reason he couldn't get it to light. He waited, not entirely patiently, for 9am so he could call the manufacturer. He called. They did not help. Then I remembered my awesome friend Kate and her husband Jeff. Jeff is an HVAC guy!!! I called Kate and we got our husbands chatting. Within 10 minutes we had a functioning hot water heater.

Tonight I am eternally grateful for Jeff Gillis (and Kate too). Today could have been much worse if not for his help! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

Day 291: Silence

I'm grateful that I have a friend who I can spend an entire day with an never feel the need to fill the silence.  Time doesn't need to be filled with words when we're together.  It's enough to have good music playing, interspersed with the occasional joke or story. Not that there was all that much silence today, but I noticed it.  A few minutes here or there when we were both working on our separate projects. Usually the moment I notice these pauses I have to check-in, make sure everything is okay. I'm not very good at silence. Today the music played, we laughed A LOT, and we got so much accomplished. I'm grateful that I was comfortable with the silence, and that I have a friend who allows me the freedom to feel comfortable. 

Day 290: Missing Dog Found

The last family I visited today was waiting for their oldest son at the bus stop when I pulled on to the street. I noticed Mom holding the collar of a beautiful boxer. I pulled over and asked if they'd gotten a new puppy. Mom said the dog had just wandered on to the street. They live off a very busy road, so firstly, I am grateful they were there to catch the dog. This awesome Mom brought the lost dog to her back yard, tied him up, and posted a message on her local Facebook page. Secondly, I am grateful this Mom was so sweet to a strange dog. I know a lot of people who wouldn't have even checked to see if she was friendly. After about 45 minutes a neighbor came over and said the dog's owner was there to retrieve her. Thirdly, I am grateful a family was reunited with their dog. I can't imagine losing Ollivander for even a second. 

Day 289: Dodging Raindrops

I'm grateful that every time it really stated to downpour I was already inside. 

Day 288: Posts, Texts, Calls

I am grateful for every post on Facebook, text message, and phone call I received today. All of the birthday love has been amazing.

I'm grateful to be here celebrating the start of my 29th year. It promises to be full of change, excitement, happiness, and love.

Day 287: Justin's Laugh

I grew up in a family where making people laugh was an art form. Carefully crafted stunts and perfectly timed jokes often ruled our dinners. As the youngest I was often laughing because everyone else was, not because I actually knew what was funny. It wasn't until I got a bit older that I recognized the hilarity in my Dad giving my Nana an Easter Lemon because the store was all out of Easter Lilies. 

Tonight Justin and I were driving around and I made a joke. Justin started laughing, and I'm so grateful for that sound. I'm grateful that we have a relationship full of laughter, and that someday our children will look back on a childhood full of laughter. 

Day 286: Pajama Day

I am grateful that today was an unintended pajama day for me. I didn't get out of my pjs until I put clean ones on to sleep in tonight. I still accomplished quite a bit too, so not at all a wasted day. It was a very comfortable day. 

Day 285: A Day with Friends

I'm grateful that I was invited to spend a day with my friend Jess and her three awesome kids.  Chloe, Ayden, and Noah are so much fun and can always bring a smile to my face.  I had such a great time feeding goats, playing in the hay, chasing bikes, and watching the three of them climb all over the playground.  Thanks for the invite Jess.  It was a fantastic day! 

Day 284: A.R.K.

I woke up at 3:32am. I was just in time to watch the final n scenes of "Evan Almighty". This is one of my favorite, but often forgotten about, movies. My very favorite part is the last scene with Evan. I won't ruin it for those who haven't seen it, but I will say I'm grateful for the reminder. 

Today I'm challenging everyone who reads this to perform one Act of Random Kindness. You don't need to share the specifics with me, or with anyone else. If you participate share this post so others will do the same. 

Day 283: Wrentham

I'm grateful that the Wrentham Outlets are only 5 exits away. I fully intend to take advantage of this closeness. Tonight's trip was a success.

Day 282: Progress

I'm grateful that the little girl I worked with this morning finally put an /n/ and a /t/ sound at the end of certain words. She's been working so hard!!! There's nothing more awesome than seeing progress.

Day 281: Full Moon

One of the few things I don't love about fall and winter is how dark it gets so quickly. At times I like that I can head to bed at 7:30pm and not feel like a loser, but tonight when I got home from work at 6:30 and it was getting darker I was a little bummed.  However, I just went out to put the dog out and the yard was almost completely illuminated.  I'm grateful for the full moon and the light it brings to an otherwise dark night. 

Day 280: Apples

I know that October is full of pumpkins. There seems to be pumpkin-flavored everything now. There are people in my life who live for this time of year - pumpkin coffee, pumpkin pie, pumpkin donuts, pumpkin beer. I do not love pumpkins. 

I do love apples. I am grateful that it is the perfect time of year for apple pie, apple cider, apple donuts, and especially homemade apple crisp. Yum, Yum, YUM! 

Day 279: Halloween

I'm grateful that Justin decided on the theme for his company Halloween party. I have a few weeks to get everything ready instead of a few days. 

Day 278: Pack Rat

I'm grateful that I have been a pack rat from a very early age. I just spent the past 45 minutes looking through a box of stuff from my childhood, teenage years, and young adulthood. I have everything from notes passed during math classes to birthday cards from my sweet 16. The best things I found were cards from every holiday that my Mom has given me to me over the years.  I have Valentine's Day, Easter, birthdays, and just random ones.  I also found a Valentine's Day card from my Dad and a birthday card from Biff and Biffett.  These are items that I could never replace and I'm so grateful that I've saved them all these years.   

Day 277: Red

I'm grateful for the color red.

Day 276: Reminder

I am grateful that Justin reminded me to blog. I would've  been very upset tomorrow morning if I'd forgotten. And without his reminder I would have forgotten.

Day 275: Not Procrastinating

I am doing a presentation tomorrow at work.  I'll be talking about Autism and how to support children and families dealing with Autism.  I started getting things together at the beginning of the week, and I'm happy to say that I'm currently printing out the completed presentation.  I am grateful that for the first time, in a very long time, I didn't procrastinate.  

Day 274: Bluetooth

I'm grateful that I finally figured out how to connect my cell to my car. It's crazy to have a conversation with my Mom while her voice is coming out of the speakers in my car. I know this isn't crazy new technology, but I'm excited!