Day 243: My Bug Catcher

I am grateful that Ollivander finally caught a bug. He has been trying all summer to catch a fly, and tonight he did it! I'm especially grateful because it was a fly in our bedroom and that would have driven me and Justin crazy!!!

Day 242: Long Weekend

I am grateful that I still have two days of "weekend." Today was filled with yard sales, breakfast, and lots of Criminal Minds.

Day 241: Medication

I have always been a big believer in medication.  I think it probably stems from my migraines starting at such a young age.  I recall knowing the different between Tylenol and Advil by the time I was 10.  Taking medicine has never been an issue for me.  Accepting the fact that I need medication has been an issue.

I honestly don't remember when I started taking anti-anxiety meds.  I know it was during college, and I think it was probably sophomore year - when my depression hit it's all time low up until that point.  I remember thinking to myself, "This isn't a big deal.  Thousands of people take Prozac."  I don't remember the amount I started taking, but I took it for about a year.  I can't recall if anything changed while I was taking the medication, but I vividly recall the first time I stopped taking it.  Despite my knowledge of the drug, I quit cold-turkey.  A few months later I spiraled and had a nasty bout of depression.  I went back on and off the medication a few times over the next few years.  

Oddly enough when my father passed away I stopped taking everything.  I think I was trying to give myself a reset.  At some point I started taking a low dose of Prozac again, and up until last December it seemed like it was enough.  Since January I've been talking with my therapist a lot about medication.  While I was in the hospital they changed my prescription to Zoloft.  After about 4 weeks (the required time it takes to feel the full effects), I remember feeling like a bubble had popped around my head.  I felt lighter and more comfortable just being.  Then I had an allergic reaction, and had to stop taking it.  I was super disappointed.  I had briefly experienced what life was like for someone without the cloud of depression hovering over them all the time.

I went back to Prozac as it had always worked in the past, but this time my dose was increased.  Towards the middle of this summer I started noticing a change.  I wasn't as emotional, I was handling situations much better.  I also noticed a change in my relationship with Justin.  I love my husband.

It seems silly to think that after 10 years together I wouldn't love him, because, of course, I've loved him from the very beginning.  We were lucky in that "love at first sight" thing actually held true for us.  But over the summer I started becoming overwhelmed with my love for him.  I would just randomly start thinking about him during the day and get happy.  Our relationship became easier; not that it was ever difficult, but I know my own constant wave of emotions was rough for us to deal with at times.  

Over the past two weeks I had to switch my medication dose again. This time it needed to be decreased because I was again showing symptoms of a very rare reaction - Serotonin Syndrome.  Luckily my doctor listened to me when I shared my symptoms and recommended I take a few days off and then lower the dose.  For those of you that don't know, Prozac builds up in your body over time; so not taking it for a few days is sad to be safe.  I had a rough few days.  At first I thought it was because of the change in medication, but now I think it may have been more emotional than physical.

For the second time in my life I was taking the right medication for my disease.  I was feeling really great, and then I had to stop.  I started getting really frustrated.  I hated that I needed this little pill to make me happy.  I started thinking of all the jokes about people taking their "happy pills" every morning.  I started thinking about the people who make remarks about "Prozac Nation."  I started to feel like another statistic.  It bothered me that I was so dependent on this medication.  It bothered me so much that I thought about stopping it all together; after all, I've been feeling a lot better lately.  It bothered me to the point of leaving another mark on my body.  

It wasn't worth it.

It was not worth hurting myself just because I didn't want to swallow a pill.  A diabetic takes insulin; a person with depression takes Prozac.  There is no different between the two.  For some with either disease they cannot live without the support of their medication.  It all goes back to accepting the idea that depression is a disease.  

I mentioned in a previous post that depression has been the topic of a lot of articles lately, given the recent events related to Robin Williams.  I'm glad that people are talking about depression.  I'm glad that Huffington Post has shared numerous articles about what it feels like to have depression, and who people can help those who have this disease.  What I would really like to see more of are articles that talk positively about medication. 

I'm not here to argue about who's right and who's wrong. There are pros and cons to putting chemicals into your body. What I hope is that in the same way people are becoming more accepting of mental illness, they also become more accepting of those who need medication to help fight their illness.  

I am grateful that taking Prozac has allowed me to feel true love again; to feel all emotions in their truest form, without the added weight of depression.  I'm grateful that I have people in my life who support my decisions and who do not judge me for what I need to do to stay healthy.    

Day 240: No Letter "A"

I'm grateful that I got through this blog post. When I first attempted it my Kindle took control and wouldn't stop posting the letter a over and over. Weird, but true.

Day 239: TV on DVD

I am grateful that Criminal Minds Season 9 was released on DVD yesterday. That should give me and Justin enough time to get through all of the episodes we missed before Season 10 starts.

Day 238: National Dog Day

I am grateful for my Mom's dog, Nicholas.  My Dad and I got him for my Mom the year I graduated from college.  He was an adorable little ball of fur and instantly fell in love with my Mom.  My Dad and I spent the ride home from the breeder trying to think of the perfect name.  It was technically a birthday present, but my Mom's birthday is December 24th, so we were trying to think of a "Christmasy" name.  My Dad came up with Little St. Nick, or St. Nicholas.  He is now lovingly called Nicholas, Pickles, Nick, Scaredy Cat (Dog), and Nicholas-Picholas.  Not matter what he is called, my Mom loves him a whole bunch and he loves her just as much. I'm grateful that he has provided her with company and has always been a faithful, loving pup (to her at least).  

 

 

*insert raspberry sound here*

Snoozing away together!

True Love! 

Hi Mom!

Day 237: History

I'm not entirely sure who I inherited this trait from, but I love learning about history.  I probably wasn't the greatest history student in school, but now that I can do it on my own I find it incredibly interesting.  I'm grateful that the scrapbook I'm working on has given me the opportunity to research US history in 1934 and 1939.  

Day 236: Reset

The past few days were rough.  Today was much better. I'm grateful for the reset.  I'm grateful that I am starting this week happier than how I ended it. Sometimes you just need to stop and refocus. Remind yourself that a new day will always dawn, and all the bad stuff can never outweigh all the good stuff in life.  

Day 235: Hard Time

I'm having a hard time thinking of something to be grateful for tonight. I guess after 235 days it was bound to happen. I just sat through an amazing movie. "If I Stay" might be one of the most emotional movies I've seen in a very long time. For the first time a movie hit me harder than a book.

I'm grateful I have people who love me. I hope they know I love them too.

Day 234: Anticipating Fun

I'm grateful that I have friends I can always anticipate having fun with. Yes, I know that sentence is very far from being grammatically correct, but it gets the point across.

Day 233: Humor

There has been a lot written lately about Robin Williams. Actually, there has been a lot written about his roles, his struggles, and his end. I am watching "Inside the Actor's Studio" with Robin Williams right now, and having a hard time keeping a straight face.

Robin Williams was an amazing talent. Listening to him and watching him is a gift. His talent is one-of-a-kind.

I am grateful that I have experienced his sense of humor. In the same sense, I am even more grateful to have been raised in a home that was always filled with laughter. My Dad had an amazing sense of humor, and his ability to think on his feet and tell "stories" created memories I am blessed to have.

They talked on the show about whether humor is genetic, or if it can be taught. I certainly hope that at least some of my Dad's humor has reached me, and will reach my own children someday.

Day 232: New Family

I am grateful that the new family I am picking up is great! The little guy is adorable and Mom and Dad seem awesome! I can't wait to start helping this kiddo move!!!

Day 231: Dragonflies

I am grateful for dragonflies.  I am amazed at their beauty and in awe of what they've come to mean to our family.

Most people who are close to me know this story; but for those of you who don't, here it is.


The day of my father's funeral was one of the hardest days of my life.  I remember seeing those awful black limousines parked outside of the funeral home. I couldn't comprehend that they were waiting for me, my mother, my brothers, my family. The morning itself is a muddled memory.  I remember sitting in that car feeling numb, if a person can actually feel numb.  I don't remember the car moving, but we were at the church.  We were at the church that my parents were married in and that all of us kids were baptized in.  I don't know how I made it down that aisle.  The church service is a bit of a blur, with the exception of the amazing poem my Uncle Joey wrote in remembrance of my Dad.  We left the church the way we walked in - quiet, sad, and with heavy hearts.  

The limousines drove us down Parker Street, a special request made by my family to the funeral director.  I remember my nephew sitting on the front steps of my parent's house, waving at the parade.  My Dad got the parade he always wanted.  

At the cemetery my immediate family was brought to the closet spot possible.  I don't remember a single thing that was said.  What I do remember is looking up to the sky and seeing dragonflies.  I can't even estimate how many there were - all flying around our crowd of mourning.  I moved closer to my mom and told her to look up.  My mom has always loved dragonflies.  I smiled and my mom smiled.  I think it was the first time all morning.  

Since then we've all been surrounded my dragonflies.  My brother had one land on his tie shortly after going back to work.  My mom began noticing them everywhere.  I can't count the number of dragonflies that have come into my path in the past 3 1/2 years.  I'd see them on water bottles, cards, bumper stickers, and my favorite - outside in my backyard.  

I am grateful for each and every dragonfly I have seen since my father passed away.  They are simple, fleeting reminders of my Dad's presence.  He is with me, he is with my brothers, and he is with my Mom.  



This is a story about dragonflies that my Mom found awhile back.

The Dragonfly
Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads,
there lived a little water beetle in a community of water
beetles.  They lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond
with few disturbances and interruptions.

Once in a while, sadness would come to the community when one of
their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and
would never be seen again.  They knew when this happened; their
friend was dead, gone forever.

Then, one day, one little water beetle felt an irresistible urge
to climb up that stem.  However, he was determined that he would
not leave forever.  He would come back and tell his friends what
he had found at the top.

When he reached the top and climbed out of the water onto the
surface of the lily pad, he was so tired, and the sun felt so
warm, that he decided he must take a nap.  As he slept, his body
changed and when he woke up, he had turned into a beautiful
blue-tailed dragonfly with broad wings and a slender body
designed for flying.

So, fly he did!  And, as he soared he saw the beauty of a whole
new world and a far superior way of life to what he had never
known existed.

Then he remembered his beetle friends and how they were thinking
by now he was dead.  He wanted to go back to tell them, and
explain to them that he was now more alive than he had ever been
before.  His life had been fulfilled rather than ended.

But, his new body would not go down into the water.  He could
not get back to tell his friends the good news.  Then he
understood that their time would come, when they, too, would
know what he now knew.  So, he raised his wings and flew off
into his joyous new life!


~Author Unknown~

Day 230: 1 Year

Last August was a bad month for me.  I was starting to get pretty depressed, but at the time I didn't recognize it as that. I remember thinking that if I made it through the year I'd be grateful.  Well, here I am now; I'm in such a better place.  I actually don't think I even imagined feeling as good as I do now.  And I know this could change, and it's likely that I will have set-backs, but tonight I'm grateful that it's been a year since the worst August of my life.  

Day 229: Scrapbooking

I'm grateful to have a reason to scrapbook again. I forget how much I love crafting, and it's a good way to practice my patience. If you call any night this week I'll be elbow deep in paper, glue, stickers, and embellishments. 

Day 228: A Bike

I am grateful that we were able to purchase a bike today at Kmart. The store in our town is closing so all the prices have been dropped. The bike was originally $149.99, and we got it for $88.00. I can't wait for our first bike ride together!!

Day 227: Back Roads

Tonight I almost had to sit in traffic on the Pike to get home. Luckily, I know most of the back roads in the metro-west area and I was able to get off the Pike and cruise on home. I am grateful that my job requires me to be the road about 50% of the time. It's given me the opportunity to learn all the great shortcuts.

Day 226: Good Day

I am grateful that today was a great day. The weather was perfect, my visits were fun, and I enjoyed eating healthy. I'm posting a bit early because my head is now killing me and I don't want to forget how great this day was when I'm frustrated with this migraine.

Day 225: Yummy Food

I am grateful for a yummy dinner. This focus on living a healthy life had led to some good meals. There have been the occasional flop, but overall, its been a success. What's even better is it's not feeling like a diet.

Day 224: Cancellation

I am grateful that a family was not home for a scheduled visit. Usually that's not a good thing, but today it meant I had time for lunch.

Day 223: Guest Post

Tonight's post comes to you from Ollivander Brown.


I am grateful that my Dad made me a new set-up for all of my food. It's higher up off the floor so I won't get a bellyache when I eat my breakfast and dinner.  He also put it in the kitchen, so now my food is with my people's food! I am a very happy puppy! 

Day 222: Right Place, Right Time

God works in mysterious ways. 

Tonight Justin and I were suppose to be at the Luke Bryan concert, but we didn't end up going. 

When we got home from western Mass we were both exhausted and I felt lousy, but we needed to go grocery shopping. 

Usually we go to Stop N Shop, but tonight Justin wanted to check out Hannafords. 

When we grocery shop we usually just get what's on our list and get out. Quick as possible. Since we've never been to Hannafords for a whole shopping trip, we took our time going up and down each aisle.

When we left the store I noticed an older woman standing by her car, fiddling with her door. I asked if she needed help. This poor woman had lost her keys. She'd looked everywhere and they were no where to be found. Justin and I spent time helping her look, walking around the parking lot, and attempting to get the doors open. We waited until her grandson came to drive her home. 

While we were waiting she told me that someone in her family had randomly found a set of keys recently. She had no idea if she had a spare car key, but she said, "God works in mysterious ways. Hopefully those will be the keys I need." 

A little while after Justin and I got home my cell phone rang. The woman had asked for my name, address, and phone number so she could let me know what ended up happening.. 

The keys that had recently been found were the right ones. Her car was back in her driveway. 

Tonight I'm grateful for the mysterious ways that God works. 

Day 221: Positive Influences

I am ever so grateful to the people who bring positivity into my life. There doesn't need to be much more said tonight. 

Day 220: Facebook

I am grateful for Facebook.  I know there are pros and cons of this website that has become a central point of many of our lives, but I'm choosing to focus on the positive tonight.

I am grateful that I have a way to keep in touch with people that I don't often talk to or see.  Just because you don't see people all the time doesn't mean you don't want to hear about their happy news and see pictures of their amazing adventures and beautiful children.

I am grateful that I can reach out to people I haven't spoken to in awhile.  I've read people's posts and found many of them to be inspirational.  It's nice to be able to send a message and say "thanks for that."  It's an easy way to pass on some positive energy.

I am grateful that Facebook lets me connect with groups of people with similar interests, concerns, opinions; and to the opposite, I'm grateful that Facebook opens my mind to the opinions of others and positions of people I don't typically agree with. 

I am grateful for all the crazy Facebook trends.  Crazy quizzes, TBT, challenges to post about positivity, #100daysofhappy, photo challenges, etc.  

I'm grateful that I am part of the Facebook Generation. 

Day 219: Not Intense

I am grateful that not all of these blog posts need to be intense. Tonight I'd much rather sleep than blog.

Day 218: Early/Late

Tonight I'm grateful that I'm getting into bed early, and that my day starts late tomorrow. Too many late nights=a very tired me.

Day 217: Ollie 1, Skunk 1

I am more grateful than I've ever been (well, maybe not really ever) because Ollivander did not get sprayed by a skunk. He ran out of the house, down the back stairs, and right into the yard. Just like we taught him. As he ran down the stairs I noticed a puff of white and black stick its tail up in the air. I screamed at Ollie to stay and Justin ran downstairs to open the cellar door. Ollie listened and went back inside. I'm so grateful the score is even.

Day 216: Breaks In My Day

I'm grateful that I had a few breaks in my schedule today. I needed them. 

Day 215: Scary Movie

I used to be a huge scary movie fan. I loved the suspense!! Lately, not so much; and this bugs me, because sometimes I see previews for scary movies that look good, but I always chicken out and never see them. 

Tonight I'm grateful that I watched a scary movie, "The Purge". I'm equally grateful that Justin didn't make to much fun of me when I attempted to hide in my shirt. 

Day 214: Success

I am so grateful to everyone who came and celebrated with us today. Justin's 30th birthday party was a success! The rain stayed away, and we had an awesome time.

Day 213: The Rain Held Off

I'm grateful that the rain is holding off for now. Justin is working so hard to get the yard looking good.