Day 365: Gratitude

Here is some of what I've learned over the past year:

The battle is tough, but it can be fought.

Simple can be magical.

Family is the most important thing in the world.

Tell people how you feel.

Make up and hair will never look as good as you'd hoped - it doesn’t matter.

You can start your journey with a destination in mind. You might not reach it, but the stops along the way are just as important.

Different can be good.

Change is okay.

People come and go, true friends stick around.

Sleep is essential part of life.

Take naps.

Acting childish doesn’t make you any less of an adult.

Religion is different for everyone.

Kindness matters.

Saying goodbye to people doesn’t get any easier as you get older.

You can't fight other people’s battles.

Long weekends, Fridays, and vacations will always be amazing.

Family history makes up some of the greatest stories ever told.

You don’t get over a loss, you learn to live with it.

You can make new friends at any stage of life.

Breathing is crucial, taking one deep breath a day is essential.

Sometimes it okay to leave your cell phone at home, but having a way to connect is just as important.

You don’t have to do everything you set out to do.

It’s okay to make mistakes.

Perfection is not something to strive for.

Accept compliments with a thank you and a smile.

Give compliments with a smile and without expecting a thank you.

There are some things that will always be scary.

Nieces and nephews are the most amazing people in the world.

Home is notion that shifts with your perception.

My mother and father taught me more about life than I will ever know. 

I'm blessed.

Your relationship with your best friend is unlike any other relationship in your life. Cherish that person.

Coloring is not just for kids.

It’s okay to indulge every once in awhile.

If you fail at something you can try again. Or give up. Giving up isn’t always the worst option and it doesn't mean failure.

Sometimes just getting through 1 hour is the biggest accomplishment of the day.

It’s okay to ask for help.

Magic is real.

The sun will rise again.

Reading is a gift to the world. We live many lives, meet many people, and learn many lessons in the pages of books.

There are people in the world you will never meet and never speak to, but they can influence your life and make you smile. 

Rainbows are a gift.

The Red Sox will break your heart, but you’ll always love the dirty water.

It's okay to go back to bed sometimes.

First responders are a special breed of people. They risk their lives each and every day to keep me and those I love safe. Our country would not be what it is without the Police, Firemen, EMTs, and Military Personal who serve. Thank them every chance you get.

You don’t need to have all the answers.

Music is vital to life.

To find something you love to do is luck; to have that something be your life’s work is amazing.

Spending a day watching TV and movies is okay, sometimes it's necessary.

Randomness can be just what you need.

Rain boots are an indispensable part of a New Englander’s wardrobe.

It can be scary to admit what you’ve been through, but talking about the past can create bridges to help you through the future.

Panic attacks are scary. Knowing you can fight through them is empowering.

Every season has something beautiful to share.

Having co-workers that make you smile makes a tough job a little easier.

Dogs can save lives. Mine did.

Things can change in an instant, a day, a month, or a year. 

Life throws curve balls, try to catch a couple.

I found my soul mate. He makes me smile, laugh, cry, scream, and at the end of the day I love him more than I did the day before. 

I will never be perfect.

Children will amaze you each and every day. Just let them.

Relationships with siblings will inevitably change, but the bond never goes away.

Stars are beautiful.

I'm not alone.

A year ago I wrote:

"In some ways I am writing this blog for myself.  I need to start appreciating all that is beautiful in my life, and recognizing what I have to be grateful for each day.  I hope that by writing this blog and committing myself to writing each day it will force me to spend time with positive thoughts in my head.  Of course, I hope that those who read and share this blog will also gain something.  Wouldn't it be amazing for others to start taking time each day to recognize one thing they are grateful for, and maybe even write it down.  I know there are already people in the world who do this, and I am amazed at their strength and mindfulness.  Here's hoping that by the end of 2014 I will be closer to joining that group, closer to having an "attitude of gratitude". " - December 31, 2013

I know I will not be continuing to post every day next year. I don't think my soul needs it like it did this year. I will continue to grow and change and my hope is that I will take each of the lessons I learned with me on my journey. I'm sure I will forget most of them at some point, but that's okay. Life is all about learning, forgetting, and relearning. A year ago the goal was to focus on the postive and become more grateful. I have certainly done both of those things. I have also learned to live with the negativity that will inevitable enter my life. 

There was a time in my life last year when I didn't want to reach this point. There was a moment when I thought giving up would be easier than fighting through. The most important lesson I have learned over the past 365 days is that my life is worth living. There is beauty to be found in every aspect of life, sometimes it just takes strength to see it clearly. I am stronger than I've ever been and I can't wait to see the beauty that 2015 holds for me.  

Day 364: Nothing Special

I feel like I should be writing something prolific on the second to last night of my blog. I've learned so much about myself this year, so many big transitions have happened, and there are millions of things I'm grateful for that I haven't written about. 

But tonight I'm going to simply be grateful for nothing special. I had a day with Justin and Ollie. We drove from Easthampton to Milford and back. We had breakfast at a place in Northampton and dinner with family in Easthampton. There was nothing particularly amazing about the day, but the simplicity was excellent. 

Today I'm grateful for the ability to see the beauty in a regular old day. 

Day 363: Happiness Abounds

I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed, thinking about my third to last post. You'd think it would be getting difficult to find things to be grateful for; after all prior strike with the Thanksgiving challenge. I thought it would be hard too, and there have been more than a few nights that I struggled a bit too think of something to blog about, something to be grateful for. 

As I was reading other people's posts and updates I saw a lot of happiness. Of course they are the venting posts and random pictures or comics. I have posted similar things myself. But I was really happy to see all the positives. Maybe someone else would look at my news feed and see less happiness, but I'm grateful that I see it. I'm grateful that this blog has helped my see positive in a world that can be filled with negative. I'm grateful that I'm surrounding myself, both in real-life and Facebook- life, that are putting out positive energy and happiness. 

Day 362: Comfy Couch

Not feeling so great = lots of time spent on the couch. I'm grateful our new couch is super comfortable. 

Day 361: 20 Minutes

I am grateful that it only takes my best friend 20 minutes to get from her boyfriend's house to my house. 20 minutes!!! We haven't lived this close together since college. Get ready world! 

Day 360: Justin Stayed Home

We still have things to do at our house in Milford. There are little things that need to be completed before the house can go on the market. Justin had originally planned to go there today and spend the night. He's been working so hard to get the house ready. He decided late in the morning to stay home. We didn't really do anything incredibly special, but we were still home together. We didn't have any plans and there was no place to go at a certain time. It was a good change of pace after the busy holidays. 

Day 359: To Serve and Protect

Tonight I am grateful for all the men and women who were not able to spend time with their families tonight because they were protecting me, my family, my friends, and everyone else in the country.  

Day 358: December 24th

I can't figure out the right words. I want to describe how special Christmas Eve was for my family, and how it shaped so much of my childhood. I want to explain the Christmas Eve Parade that my father started 30 years ago. I wish I could figure out a way to express how it felt tonight to watch that parade for the first time in my life. I'm having trouble figuring out where to start.

I can't remember a Christmas Eve in my childhood with the parade. This makes perfect sense because the year before I was born my father created a tradition that has found its way into the hearts of so many children in Saugus. My Dad had an idea - a way to make Christmas Eve even more special for my Mom, for his children, and for all of the kids in his town. 

Growing up it became routine in our house. We would sit down to sing "Happy Birthday" to my Mom, have cake, give her presents, and then start bundling up. We had to be to my Dad's shop by 5:30 (or was it 6?). I would stand by my Mom and watch my Dad go to work. He'd direct all of the fire trucks, police cars, tow trucks, ambulances, etc. Somehow he always managed to get everyone where they needed to be by 6:30. When I was little it always amazed me that Santa came to my dad's work. Clearly my Dad had an "in" with Mr. Clause; he was even the one person Santa trusted to drive him around the town. 

One of my earliest memories is making it through the entire parade outside, on the back of the float. It was a pretty big deal. As I grew up I invited friends to join me on the parade and I started to realize in middle school how special the parade was to so many people in Saugus. My best friend at the time told me that her entire family came to Saugus just to see the Santa Parade. Throughout the years the parade became even more special as it took on new meaning with life's ups and downs. 

In 2010, the year my father passed away, I wasn't sure I wanted to do the parade without him. In some ways it didn't seem right to leave his shop without him driving Santa Clause; but my brother reminded me of why my Dad started the parade: for the kids.  Three months after my father passed away the Christmas Eve Parade in Saugus left 16 Hamilton Street at 6:30pm. By the end of the parade I was so proud of my mom, my brothers, and everyone else who helped us keep the spirit of Christmas alive that year. 

We decided to help with the parade for a second year, but in 2012 my brothers, my mom, and I made the decision to let others in the town of Saugus to take the lead.  Since then I haven't been able to bring myself to watch the parade. I vaguely remember walking down the street to watch it drive by, but I have no recollection of actually watching it. 

Tonight, Justin and I left my Mom's house around 6:45. I had heard, fifteen minutes prior, the sound of the police cars, fire trucks, and other vehicles leaving the center of town. For the 30th year the children and families in Saugus were about to have a special visit from Santa. As the two of us were driving through Saugus I got the urge to watch the parade. We happened to be driving by a part of Saugus where the parade was about to make it's appearance, so we pulled over. Justin parked the car on a dead end street and we waited. 

I heard the parade before I saw it. When the first car drove by I started to cry. I watched the entirity of the parade with tears streaming down my face. I was sad, but I was also so incredibly proud. The people in the house that we parked next to came outside (in the pouring rain) and watched the parade go by, as did the other cars who parked on the street with us. For those four minutes everyone was expriencing the joy of Christmas. Santa Clause drove by and waved, and for a second I knew my Dad was watching with me. 

I'm grateful that I grew up in home where my parents believed in Christmas.  They believed in the magic and the joy that the season could bring. I'm grateful that my family has a little piece of a tradition that has brought happiness to so many children in Saugus. I'm grateful my Dad believed in Santa Clause.

Day 357: Ink Master Special

I'm so grateful that Justin got home in time to watch the Ink Master Christmas Special with me! My addiction is really starting to drive me crazy. I need more ink in my life.

Day 356: Functional Washer and Dryer

Tomorrow I will have clean laundry. I'm grateful that my mother-in-law has a functional washer and dryer that Justin used today to make the clean laundry possible. 

Day 355: A Text

Tonight I'm grateful that I waited to post until right before bed. I thought about writing earlier so I wouldn't forget, but I'm glad I didn't. I got a text from my cousin tonight and it was a great way to end my weekend. I'm grateful for that text message and the conversation that followed. 

Day 354: Online Shopping

 I'm grateful for online shopping options. It's my best friend all year round, but especially at Christmas time.

Day 353: Weekend

I am so grateful that it is the weekend. I need sleep and my husband. 

Day 352: Busy

I'm grateful that my day tomorrow is very busy. I'm hoping the busier I am the faster the day goes by.

Day 351: T-Minus 15

This is officially the countdown. Tonight is the 15th to last post. I am grateful that the end of the year is approaching. I love Christmas and New Year's Eve. I look forward to all those annoying "Best Of" shows and "Year End Look-Backs". Here's to my first countdown of 2014!!

Day 350: Quick Visit

Today I had a training for work in Milford. The center is about 7 minutes from my old house, so this morning when I was half-way through my 90 minute drive, I wasn't thrilled. However, at the training, which was really great, I got to see some of my co-workers from the Middlesex office. After the training I stayed in Milford and waited for Justin to get back from work. We had a nice "date night" and I was in my way home. 

Tonight as I was making the 90 minute drive west I realized how lucky I was to have been provided with an opportunity to see so many great people all in one day. So, I am grateful for the training I had in Milford today. 

Day 349: Banana Bread

I'm grateful that even though my banana bread wasn't as delicious as my Mom's usually is, it was still edible. Here's to a small baking success!!

Day 348: Glasses

I'm grateful for my new glasses. I've been wearing them for about a week and the difference is amazing. I might have to splurge on the prescription sunglasses now!

Day 347: Experiences

I've been given the opportunity over the past few days to reflect on some recent, and some not so recent, experiences in my life. In the past I've wavered in my belief that everything happens for a reason. I wouldn't say that I am now a firm believer, but I do think it sometimes takes weeks, months, or even years for reason to show itself. Further, some things may happen in our lives and we are never privy to the reason. It's frustrating, yes; I would never try to deny that fact.


Tonight I am grateful for all of my experiences. It has taken me over a year, but I am now beginning to understand the reasons behind even my most difficult challenges. This doesn't make the experience any less painful, but with time I think the reason will help heal my heart and soul.

Day 346: Ollie's Second Post

From Ollivander:


I am grateful that I only have one more night until my Dad comes home. My mom got to see him Thursday and she didn't even bring me!! I really miss him and can't wait to see him.

Day 345: Hardwork

I am grateful for all of the hardwork I've put into being a better, healthier person. It is finally beginning to pay off. 

Day 344: Homework

I had some work to do tonight that felt a lot like homework. I was reading, highlighting, and taking notes. I used sticky notes and made marks in the margins of over 80 pages of reading. I'm about to sound like a huge nerd, but I loved it. I'm grateful that I've almost always enjoyed school. It prepared me well for situations like tonight.

Day 343: Family

I am grateful for the strength and love of my family.

Day 342: Settling In

I'm grateful that Ollie seems to be settling in to his new home. He are dinner tonight and went outside on his own. This also means he is now happily playing with his ball when it is clearly bedtime, but he's happy and that's what matters.

Day 341: All Caught Up

I am grateful that I spent most of today catching up on sleep.

Day 340: Last Year

At this time tonight, one year ago, I was in the worst situation of my life. I was in a hospital being evaluated. Doctors were deciding if I need additional support to make it through the crisis I was experiencing. Those are all fancy words to say other people were fighting for my life; I had given up. 

In some ways I can't believe it's been a year. Some days it feels like all that happened yesterday. There are other days when I look at how far I've come and I can't believe it's only been one year. 

Tonight I am grateful for everyone who fought for me a year ago. Some were people who knew me and loved me; others were professionals that had only just learned my name. I was scared, exhausted, and couldn't see past myself. Tonight I am grateful for every breath, every heartbeat, every laugh, every tear, every thing I've experienced since last year. 

Day 339: Visitors

I'm grateful for the visitors we had today. Memere, Sarah, Josh, and Logan all came to visit us (and Ollivander)! I'm so glad we are living closer to some of Ollie's favorite people.

Day 338: DIY

I'm grateful for DIY projects that actually end up looking good. The black bench cushions look great on the red bench and the curtains my Mom made add the Disney vibe I'm going for! I have a feeling many of my hours are going to be spent on HGTV and Pinterest websites in the next few weeks. 

Day 337: Nintendo DS

I'm grateful my Nintendo DS still has some battery life. I haven't turned it on in a very long time, but tonight it is good to go! 

Day 336: White Noise

I'm grateful that the new humidifier I bought makes a beautiful white noise. It brings me that back to my childhood - filed with croup and an old-school humidifier that took up a table. I'm sure I'll sleep well tonight. 

Day 335: Connie

I am grateful for Connie. She is working my mom's shift at work tomorrow night. That means my Mom gets to send almost a whole week with me in the new digs!!